I don’t save for retirement and spend my money in 3 ways instead

• My husband passed away when I was 31; We were trying hard to save for retirement.
• I regret not spending more of our earnings on the experiences and things we used to enjoy.
• As a widow, I spend on my house and my commute rather than saving for an unpromised future.

There is a lot of pressure to save for retirement, but I’m not buying that. I believe in financial literacy and voice practice

money management

, but that’s financial advice I’m ignoring, at least for the time being. I am 36 years old. I was 31 years old when I became a widow. My husband and I were diligently putting money aside for our retirement when he suddenly passed away in 2017 and my whole world changed.

As a rule, I don’t waste a lot of time on regrets and things I can’t change, but I’m sorry that as a couple we didn’t spend more of our hard-earned money on experiences and things that could have improved our quality of life, like spending our long awaited and partially planned hiking vacation in Iceland or move to a more spacious apartment on a quieter street.

Losing my husband changed my view of spending and saving

Early in my life, I noticed through my father’s sometimes very frugal methods and internalized the wasteful, unwilling and unwilling mindset. In my twenties, I married a man who was very careful with money and preferred saving and investing over spending. Among the many hard-earned lessons of his unexpected death, I learned to focus more on the present, which has affected how I manage my money. In my thirties, I am actively working to balance saving for my future and enjoying the fruits of my labor now, while I can.

I have a modest retirement savings plan (RRSP), which I contribute to now and then, but it is far from my main financial focus. I hear some of you out there gasping for what may sound like a fickle attitude toward planning my financial future. it’s not.

I memorize 3 things I care about

Currently, I’m saving for home repairs, individual jobs around the house, driving lessons, car and cobblestone.

home repairs

Home repair savings help me sleep at night in my century-old home I bought in 2020, and I’ve loved it back to its former glory ever since.

Driving and car lessons

The driving lessons and the ultimate car represent new learning, increased independence, and the way forward in my life.

Yes, I am 36 years old and have never learned to drive. I have always lived in cities where driving was more of a nuisance or a pleasure than a necessity. I left town for a small town life to buy my first home and dream of buying a country estate with land in the next five years. A car is essential to achieving this dream and not having one or the ability to drive is already causing my lifestyle to cramp in my new home.

gravel bike

The cobblestone bike represents fun, freedom and an achievable financial goal that will be a tangible reminder of my hard work, and hopefully will guide me until I get my driver’s licence.

Depriving myself of these things in order to save money for a future retirement that may never come or, at least, seem very far from being real, makes no sense to me at the moment. This may sound mild or overly dramatic, but I lived it, me I live it: He promised never tomorrow.

I don’t spend recklessly, but I prioritize the life I live now over an unpromised future

I am a freelancer with my own business. I work hard and don’t play enough. I’m working on that too. I come to the idea that I deserve to enjoy my money. Not least because I don’t have the life I thought I would: I lost my husband, the children we had planned to have, the house in town we had saved to buy, all in one horrific moment. I am not using this tragic loss to justify reckless spending. Instead, it’s a lens I use to put more emphasis on the choices I make, both financially and in other areas of my life. I loved, loved hard, and lost badly. And I’m still here. I am working to rebuild my life. I adjust my financial goals and behaviors accordingly.

When tax season approaches and the messages urging us all to contribute to retirement planning, build momentum toward deadline, and a bustling, stressful hour, I set everything up. When I feel like I’m stumbling under pressure, I remember what the wise and brilliant financial planner, Liz, once told me during our first session after I bought my first home: “You live in your biggest investment—in a sense, it’s your retirement fund, especially after you’ve paid off. the home “.

Last year, I didn’t contribute to my retirement savings, or the year before. If this year is particularly good, I may contribute well, but it will not be at the expense of doing the things that make my life full now. I’ve learned that life is short and I want to spend money on experiences and things that I can enjoy right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m spending money recklessly. I’m making the right financial decisions for my life, the life I’m living now, not the life I thought I was going to live and I naively believed promised.